Confession
by aria12
Summary: Someone goes for confession


Confession  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Characters, with the sole exception of the Priest, belong to Kazuya Minekura.  
  
Summary: Someone goes for Confession.  
  
Notes: First fic I'm ever posting up. _" But I've got a thick skin. Fire ahead. Heh. Wasn't too sure about what happened in the giant gap in years, so I filled it in with illness. This doesn't make sense without spoilers, and if I continue anymore, this portion is going to be longer than the fic. So, read on.  
  
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Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been a year since my last confession.  
  
I grew up, Father, in an orphanage in the Name of our Lord. The sisters always told me that God protected every single one of us, of his children. They told me that my parents were happy in God's bosom, that soon my sister will be restored to me when she got well. My sister -  
  
I believed that I would not remain alone forever. I believed in God's promise that we would be reunited. For a long time, Father, I prayed for my sister to get better fast so that we would be together again. I, who never believed; I prayed so hard, Father. I prayed!  
  
Forgive me, Father. Yes, I can continue.  
  
You cannot imagine, Father, the loneliness of an orphan promised company. If I had grown up in the awareness that I would always be alone, perhaps I would have been able to grow up less dependent. After a while, I believed that everything would be okay once she was here. It didn't matter that the other children hated me; it would have been enough that I was guaranteed a special friend when she returned. Forgive me my selfishness, Father. It didn't matter that the sisters talked about me when my back was turned, it would have been enough for her to be by my side. Forgive me my stupidity. I was convinced that together, the two of us could do anything, be anything. Forgive me my ignorance, Father. In my young head, I dreamed adventures we would play; I would be the brave hero saving the damsel in distress, or we would play house, or -  
  
Oh my sister, my twin. Perhaps I loved her too much Father, but can you blame me? For at least five years, Father, she slept on a sterile white bed in an uncaring hospital. For five years, I never saw my twin, my other half. For five years, I dreamt of her and our reunion. For so long I have loved her, that when I finally saw her in the flesh, I found her so beautiful that my heart broke. And there, Father, lies my sin.  
  
Forgive me, Father, for I could not help myself. I loved her too deeply, too madly, too much. We left the orphanage shortly after her return. I found a job teaching at a school in a village far away from the orphanage. Far enough so that no one knew us, nor knew the orphanage. The villagers believed us lovers, Father, and in my weakness I never corrected them. Forgive me that lie, Father.  
  
I loved her, Father. I loved her. I would have died for her. I loved her, Father. That was my sin. Forgive me, Father, for I have loved-  
  
But I have not sinned, have I? Was my sin Love? Where was the sin in loving? Didn't the sisters preach love? Didn't God love? I will not believe that He punished me for loving. I will not believe that God can be so cruel.  
  
No. It was not His judgement. It was not His punishment. It is not God who was cruel.  
  
No.  
  
Human hands took her from me. Human hands defiled my home. Human hands. Human hands stained in cruelty and desperation. It was logical, wasn't it? One woman for the village; one life for theirs. And what was one woman in the large scheme of things. One woman. It didn't matter to them. We were not one of their own. They owed us no protection, owed us no sympathy. We were nothing. We were strangers. We were sacrifice.  
  
Tell me, Father, of sin. Tell me of forgiveness, Father. Tell me how I should forgive these men, these desecrators, these violators of peace, of love. Tell me, Father, how they were right in their actions. Tell me how my love's sacrifice was right; tell me how it was mandated by God.  
  
They were cruel. Cruel, selfish, stupid, ignorant, scared, cowardly. They were all these, but above all, I learnt that they were mortal. They were mortal, as was my Kanan.  
  
Yes, Father, you start at the name. You should. You advised the villagers, didn't you? Save the village by sacrificing the witch. Save the village, for what is one life in the balance against an entire village's? Deliver her to the youkai, for they have claws and threaten death. Who did she have to protect her anyway? Her husband is a mere teacher. He will understand the sacrifice. He will move on. He will find another woman.  
  
You don't understand, Father. There will be no other woman. Kanan was perfect. She was my half. She was -  
  
And now she is no longer. Listen to me! I stood there for the longest time, staring at the torn curtains, the shattered glass, the blood on the floor, the defiled clothing. I stood there for the longest time, listening to pathetic explanations, consolations, promises, reasons. I stood there for the longest time, seeing only darkness and the same black abyss that had dogged my heels ever since the orphanage. I stood there, and I was in the orphanage courtyard again, alone, surrounded by children who would never understand. I had found perfection, and you have robbed me of it.  
  
Tell me, Father, of forgiveness. Tell me of redemption and salvation -  
  
Where did you think you were going Father? Did you think the brothers could have stopped me? Did you think that you were not alone? Did you think I would have remained in my house mourning? When you have done this to me? When you have done this to her? When you have defiled the most perfect love? When you have taken away what was given to me by God? Did you think that there would not have been hell to pay?  
  
Forgive me, Father, this last time. My sins till now will be washed away with your sacrifice. Consecrate me, Father.  
  
He offered up His blood and His body. She offered up her blood and her body. It's your turn.  
  
In the name of the Father. and the Son. and the Holy Ghost.  
  
Alone, as it was in the beginning, now and ever shall be, world without end.  
  
Amen. 


End file.
